I think I did badly for my exams. I don't know what to hope for. I don't know if I should be even hoping at all... I guess, at the end of the day, you're absolutely powerless once time has passed you by. No point in hoping that I did just well enough to scrape an A. No point worrying if I did so badly I'll get a C. What we can control is our future. And it's time to move on.
Nowadays, I find myself wondering what am I going to do with my Physics degree. If my results turn out good and I manage to land myself in a good university for graduate studies, I suppose it's quite a no-brainer.
The thing is, whether or not I do well enough for my undergrad is subject to a huge amount of uncertainty.
I guess I've got a number of options. One is that I can do my graduate studies in Singapore. The good part is that I can continue to tutor. It is very good money, but more than that, I really do enjoy teaching.... Of course studying in sg means I don't have to leave the familiarity of home. But then again, I really would like to stay overseas a couple of years, just for the experience.
Another option available to me is that I just screw graduate studies and go next door for TCC (Teacher Conversion Course). I'd then become a full time tutor. This is the most stable choice available, and the one which promises the most income. But so what, I'd be a whore. I'd be betraying the spirit of inquiry. I'd be betraying Science. I'd be betraying Physics. I guess one can say," what do I have to offer to Science that could possibly be labeled as a betrayal at my not deciding to pursue it?". Truth is, I don't think I have much to offer to Science at all. I guess I'd be the poor man trying to win a princess over with nothing but sincerity and love.
Call me a romantic, but I don't want to stop learning, I don't want to stop being in the "scientific community" (though I don't really think I count as being in the "scientific community" at the moment either). In short, I want to pursue Physics till the end. I've done badly in school for physics all my life, but that has never stopped me from liking it. My greatest joy, would be to know that I do have something good to give to Physics. Hopefully, after some searching, perhaps the poor man will find a diamond ring sitting by the road to offer his Princess.....
Sometimes, I get to thinking that, every year, Singapore has about a 100, maybe less, new physics undergrads (including those from NUS). I wonder how many of them will still be doing physics thirty years later. I wonder how many will convert to become engineers, how many will become teachers. I wonder how many will not be doing Physics at all (ie, banking and finance and all that other stuff).
But most of all, I wonder, where will I be thirty years from now......
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